~loser-kristin

Theres a chance that there will be massive uploads in two weeks, but... theres also an okay chance it'll just be a trickle of the things that are small enough to scan ( there aren't many). Hopefully I'll actually upload though. I like being active on devart, but I suck with procrastinating :[

So I've had my deviantart for two years I haven't accomplished much at all.

Like, a lot. All the time. I cry so much, its ridiculous. This wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't a recent thing... I never cried before this summer.

My final project in art was based on the book The Spark, which is about cirque du solei. They gave us a box and the quote "We live our lives in a cage, singing the same song day in and day out, but life isn't about living in a cage. Life is about flying." then she told us that the box was our cage and our job was to break free.
SO, I thought about this far more than I should have and realized that nothing holds me back. I have absolutely no reason not to flourish, which means that I am the only thing holding myself back. So I turned my project into a promise to myself. Hopefully I'll remember to keep it and actually take the initiative to change, I'd like to actually be happy with myself. As much as I wanted people to know that I was trying to change, I don't know if I was quite ready to explain myself since I got all choked up talking about how the whole point is that I AM my cage. So it was emotional, and the second time in a month I cried in school. At least it was only the second time this year, too.

But yeah, a couple stupid, trying things happened and I kind of had to re-evaluate myself and try to figure out if I'm doing what I want. I'm not exactly all motivated and excited about changing yet, but more upset I have to. I've been horribly pensive lately and its not exactly a great mindset, but... It works, I'll get over it.


I just need school to be over and summer to be here.

...That it was about time to push that ugly old journal off of me bitching about nothing art related.

Every time I look through my gallery on here I get depressed. I really am too lazy to upload anything decent. I've actually been doing things that I'm minimally happy with lately, and they're too big to get onto the computer without pulling out my camera or scanning in pieces. Eventually, I'll get some of them up. At least by the end of the school year, if not sooner.
A little while ago, I went to this portfolio thing with a bunch of people from colleges who look through you're stuff and talk with you about it and school... It was fairly awesome. I'm just a little more sure about myself now, and by myself, I mean my wanting to pursue an art career. At least now I know its not the most impractical thing ever. But yeah, I brought along my sketch books too because my portfolio isn't that strong yet (It doesn't exactly need to be yet, I'm still a junior.) and most people pointed out that I'm more likely to take risks in there. I dunno, it seems like whenever I start a project on a large piece of good paper, I'd be being over confident by being free enough to actually make something me Its like the paper is better than me, I swear. Its pretty dumb.
But yeah, ever since I've been forcing myself to be more adventurous with my projects. Since I've had something due every week in art, it kind of blows. I want to do so much I can't make deadlines :[ But after I handed in something that I really didn't want to do and only did because I thought it was what she wanted, she pretty much gave me permission to do what I wanted since my portfolio doesn't have to be complete this year and I'm just forcing myself to be something I'm not.


I don't really understand the point of journals sometimes. Usually while I'm writing in them.

Uuuugh. So, on whim, I spent $80 to go to Family Values. It was pretty much "Holy shit, Dir en Grey is playing *Buys ticket*" So yeah, I'm gonna see them in concert along with Korn and flyleaf and two other bands that no one informed me of. Its gonna rain like CRAAAZY. I really regret it now. I know I'll have fun going, but I feel really irresponsible. Plus, I'm still sick, which apparently means I'm dying since it's been like 3 days. Why do I do things without thinking?